A Fata Morgana

A Fata Morgana is like a complex mirror, which shows its unusual picture from the distance. The closer we are to object the farer we are able to reach it. Even at most of the time we lose the image. Then we start again to see it coming from the distance. Since it was a fata Morgana we will always find them immediately face out. None will be able to catch the Fata Morgana, neither you nor me
There are so many people living like catching the Fata Morgana. They always create a dream and do their best to achieve it, but finally they got nothing. Their dreams looks like never ending story. They try to build another dream and come up with the same destination in where they never end at certain places. What should I do if I am in this situation? I do not know exactly but I would prefer to start from here, forget every thing about my dream and build my own imaginary workshop and start working on it.

I myself would start with writing this Fata Morgana in my personal writing workshop and forget everything behind me including all my previous achievement as well as my idiot failure. I do not want to dream but to work on. I stop working just because I want to build my own image value or to fulfill other needs from me or to satisfy my mentor or supervisor request. No, I will work because I want to do it from my heart.

While I was waiting for the airflight on my departure to Jakarta from Vienna, a big question came to my mind, what should I do to get rid of my boringness of waiting . Suddenly, I was reminded to stop by at my just born imaginary workshop of the Fata Morgana which is still empty. Then I decided to put my own picture on one of the wall of my office room directly behind my chair. Everybody who want to talk to me would know who I am clearly. I am strong, intelligent and giving man. Is that all right? It might be not but I would like to start from that. I colored my picture with my experiences during my study, work, and small piece of achievements. It makes me feel being blessed and be motivated to bless others with all my heart.
Here is my picture. After finishing my study in physics I directly work for nuclear institution as a researcher. Doing some study in reactor technology, radiation safety, instrumentation . I took my master degree on nuclear Engineering and my doctor degree on environment. Therefore I called my self as an nuclear and environment engineer. I believe that our this only World can be preserved through utilizing environmentally sound technology. One of them is nuclear technology. I want to be frank that I agree with using nuclear energy as one of the energy resources for our energy mix policy in our beloved country since it is an environment friendly technology. We have to save our abundant energy sources for our next generation by using more alternatives resources..
In addition to my experiences working in nuclear institution in our country I also have experienced working at international atomic energy agency within 2009-2010. I found that 60 countries are enthusiastically to deploy nuclear power plan. Of course, it was really unfortunate that Fukushima accident had became a giant catastrophic to the hearth of nuclear development, but it does not mean we have to stop thinking of using nuclear power plant as one of energy resources. I believed that God created the Uranium with without any purpose. He created it for the sake of human being welfare.

I just participated in one consultants’ meeting in Vienna on development of guideline to expand or introduce NPP. We develop guideline to member states so that they have an updated guideline how to provide an accurate and reliable information during the preparation of NPP. The information that should be included in the feasibility study are analysis of electric, unit capacity, site characteristic, NPP technology, environment, licensing and authorization, project implementation, national participation, organization and human resources, project cost estimation, economic analysis, financial planning, public information, emergency preparedness, project risk and etc. What does it mean to the NPP development progress? We should not stop thinking of using nuclear energy but keep going with improvement of the safety so that no accident like a Fukushima accident would happen again for the sake of a better protection to human being and environment. That is all about my thought on nuclear energy. Of course I will continue with similar topics when I found something new.

Saturday 30072011

Today when I woke up I thought about what I should do during this week end. I felt a little bit reluctant to get off my bed and I stayed there a little bit longer. It made me feel refresh. From the distance I hear my little girl practicing her piano lesson playing music of “love me tender.” I came to her and join her music with singing the love song. I love that song since I deeply enjoy being loved and to love. It was really unforgettable moment to me when I wrote a poem to my two sons in 1992 entitled “Love”. The poem told them about why they had to love, because they came from love, the love from God that is given through me and their mother. What makes me amaze is the fact that growing within love environment could make them grow healthily and highly achievement. My two sons could enter the best technical school in Indonesia i.e. ITB.

Does love always relate to successfulness? What happen if I failed? Did it mean I did not do the thing with love? The answer is no. It looks like a Fata Morgana the more you approach it the more you loss its scene, but in fact you had reached some progress. Do not give up loving something even you do not reach your goal yet. At so many times people set up their goals but they do not love it continuously and sincerely and sometime they set up their goal with wrong motivation so that they could not mobilize their capability effectively.

One day I set up my goal to be the best in one technical area. My motivation is to be well known and reach a highest position. There is no mistake in this motivation, but when I implemented it wrongly it became a disaster, because I work hard just for being well known and to achieve high position, as a result I act in such a way as if I have to defeat all friends or someone else and put so much expectation to someone in higher position. I believe the higher position person will feel uncomfortable with such behavior. This really ridiculous and wastes energy so much.

When I realized it, I try to change the strategy I should develop my own capability eagerly and contribute to others work, including to my higher position person, to achieve our common goal which I believe it is going to be useful for people. I do not have to be the best but to contribute my best. It makes me be able to start contributing from my current capacity; otherwise I will be trapped to contribute from something that I would like to be

I thank God for giving so many experiences that I would be able to mobilize in near future. One of them is to utilize nuclear power technology as one option of national energy mix resources program. It does not mean we have to build Nuclear Power Plant immediately, but rather to show to the public that nuclear energy is important for our future national energy supply to fulfill a rapid acceleration of energy demand due to huge growth population and industry, to develop human resources capability and prepare the nuclear infrastructure. Will it be a Fata Morgana? I do not know but at least I want to move forward in something that I could participate.


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